Fairytales and romantic movies have taught us that marrying the love of your life is the beginning of living happily ever after. In reality, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, as marriages constantly hit rough patches. It’s normal to have some quarrels here and there, especially as you go through difficult times and major life changes together. But if you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering, “My husband yells at me. Is that normal, too?” 

Suddenly, your partner raises his voice during disagreements, and calm arguments you once had have become shouting matches. You’re likely feeling hurt, confused, and unsure of how to address the issue without making things worse. 

Join me as we explore the effects of constant yelling on a marriage and the steps you can take to stop the yelling and build a healthier relationship. 

Is Yelling Verbal Abuse? 

Before we continue, let’s get one thing straight first: are you experiencing abuse? 

Yelling can sometimes be a natural reaction to frustration, but when does it cross the line into verbal abuse? It’s important to recognize the signs that distinguish occasional outbursts from abusive behavior. Verbal abuse isn’t just about yelling—it's about the intent behind it and the emotional damage it causes. 

Here’s how you can tell if yelling has become verbal abuse: 

It’s Frequent and Escalating 

If yelling happens regularly and escalates quickly, it’s a warning sign. When frustration consistently turns into shouting and it becomes a habit, this can indicate verbal abuse.

It’s Used to Control or Intimidate 

If the yelling feels like it’s meant to dominate or intimidate you, this goes beyond a moment of anger. Verbal abuse often seeks to control the other person’s behavior or emotions through fear.

It Includes Name-Calling or Insults 

When yelling involves degrading language, name-calling, or insults aimed to belittle you, it has crossed the line into emotional abuse. 

It Leaves You Feeling Afraid 

If your partner’s yelling leaves you feeling scared or anxious, this is a serious red flag. Yelling shouldn’t make you feel unsafe in your relationship. 

Recognizing these behaviors is crucial in understanding whether the yelling you’re experiencing is simply a momentary reaction to stress or a deeper issue of abuse. 

If you or someone you know needs to find domestic abuse hotlines in your country, click here for global resources. 

How Yelling Affects Your Relationship

Yelling, whether it’s verbal abuse or not, can cause lasting damage to your relationship. The more your husband yells at you, the more it diminishes trust and safety between you, which leads to less emotional intimacy. 

Here are some of the ways yelling negatively impacts a relationship: 

1. Breakdown of Trust - Constant yelling creates an emotionally unsafe space. When you don’t feel secure expressing yourself without fear of being yelled at, trust starts to break down. 
2. Emotional Disconnection - Yelling can create emotional distance between partners. Rather than feeling close, supported, and connected, you may start feeling isolated and withdrawn. 
3. Constant Tension - Living in a household where yelling is frequent often leads to ongoing stress and anxiety, leaving you on edge and unsure when the next outburst will happen. 
4. Resentment - Over time, repeated yelling can cause built-up resentment. This can make it harder to forgive, move forward, or rebuild the emotional intimacy that’s been lost. 

What You Can Do When Your Husband Yells at You 

If yelling has become a regular part of your marriage, there are steps you can take to address the behavior and work toward healthier communication. Here’s what you can do: 

Set Clear Boundaries

Calmly explain that yelling is unacceptable in your relationship. Set clear boundaries and communicate how yelling makes you feel. Your husband needs to understand that this form of communication is harmful and won’t lead to a resolution.

Stay Calm

It’s difficult, but staying calm when your partner is yelling can help prevent the situation from escalating. Let your husband know you’re open to talking when he’s ready to speak calmly.

Encourage Counseling

Suggest couples counseling or individual therapy to address the root causes behind the yelling. A professional can help both of you learn healthier ways to express frustration and communicate. 

How to Talk to Your Husband About His Yelling 

Addressing this issue can feel intimidating, but it’s a necessary conversation if you want to change the dynamic in your marriage. Here’s how to approach the conversation:

Pick the Right Moment 

Don’t try to discuss his yelling in the heat of an argument. Wait until you’re both calm and in a space where you can focus on the conversation without distractions.

Use “I” Statements

Instead of blaming him, explain how his yelling makes you feel. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you raise your voice,” rather than pointing fingers. This helps keep the conversation open and less defensive.

Be Specific

Give concrete examples of when the yelling has affected you and your relationship. Help him understand the impact of his behavior so that you can work together on finding a solution. 

Take the Next Step: Stop the Yelling! 

If your relationship is plagued by constant yelling, it’s time to get to work. You don’t have to live with the stress and emotional strain of frequent arguments. Stop the Yelling! is a short online program created by relationship expert and psychotherapist Lissy Abrahams to help couples break the cycle of yelling and build a stronger connection and a peaceful home. 

In this program, you’ll learn: 

• How to manage frustration and anger without raising your voice 

• Techniques to communicate effectively, even during disagreements 

• Tools to rebuild trust and emotional safety in your relationship