‘My Marriage is Falling Apart’: What to Do When You’ve Hit Rock Bottom

You’ve been feeling it for a while. The long and lively conversations you once enjoyed have turned into begrudging short replies. And that’s when you’re lucky, because talking can just as easily turn into arguing without any obvious reason. When this happens, you’d much rather spend time somewhere else—anywhere else but the home you built with your life partner. You wonder when it’s going to get better, and you realize you don’t even remember when it all started to go downhill. You’ve been looking the other way for too long, and now, you must face the reality: your marriage is falling apart. 

“My marriage is falling apart” is a statement couples therapists know all too well. While it’s sad that many couples face tough times, it’s good to know that you’re not alone in this, and that you too, can come out the other side intact if you’re willing to do the work. 

If you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and repair your marriage, keep reading. 

Face the Problem 

Before you take steps to fix your marriage, you must first admit there’s a problem. Being honest with yourself and your spouse about the signs you’ve been sweeping under the rug is an essential step in healing the cracks in your marriage. 

Acknowledge the Tension 

It's not normal to constantly feel tense, frustrated, or distant from your partner. Recognize that these are signals that something needs attention, whether in the way you talk or behave with each other or the way your partner responds to you. 

Stop Avoiding the Issues 

Small arguments or moments are easy to brush off, but when these become frequent, it’s a sign that deeper issues are at play. Avoiding talking about these underlying problems won’t make them go away. 

Reflect on the Changes 

Take a moment with your partner to think about how your relationship has changed over time. These are some common signs that you might have also noticed in your marriage: 

• Emotional Distance – Feeling like you and your partner are drifting apart. 

• Lack of Intimacy – Physical and emotional intimacy have diminished or even disappeared. 

• Avoidance – Avoiding interactions with your spouse or preferring to spend time away from home. 

Accept Responsibility 

Both you and your partner need to acknowledge your role in the struggles in your marriage. Whether it’s poor communication, lack of effort, or unresolved conflicts, admitting to each other that you have a part to play is crucial for moving forward. 

Understand the Root Causes 

Unresolved Conflicts 

Do you keep having the same arguments over and over again? This is because of underlying conflicts that you never got to resolve because you avoided having much-needed tough conversations. Identify and address these conflicts so you can start to heal together. 

Repeated Unmet Expectations 

Whether it’s something as simple as not helping with household chores or not providing emotional support in times of trouble, repeated unmet expectations can create significant strain that builds up resentment over time. 

Life Changes 

Major life changes such as having children and career shifts may not inherently be bad, but they can still cause stress and require certain adjustments that change the way you relate to each other. 

Neglect 

Sometimes, the root cause of marital problems is simply neglect. Your connection inevitably weakens when you stop prioritizing your marriage and each other’s needs. 

Reopen the Lines of Communication 

It’s not communication if you’re just talking without truly hearing each other. So, sit down, have an open mind, and have an honest chat with your spouse. 

Express Yourself Without Pointing Fingers 

Use “I” statements to talk about how you’re feeling and focus on the issues without resorting to blame. Sure, they may have some fault in the matter, but choosing to express yourself in a constructive way makes a huge difference in resolving your issues. 

Listen Actively 

Communication is a two-way street. Make sure to listen to your partner’s perspective without interrupting. Active listening shows them you value their feelings and opinions. 

Choose the Right Time 

Timing is key when discussing serious issues. Choose a moment when both of you are calm and not distracted, so you can focus on the conversation. 

Take Steps Toward Healing 

Once you've acknowledged the issues and had an open discussion, it’s time to act to save your marriage. 

Show Appreciation Daily 

Make it a habit to express gratitude for the small things your partner does. This can be as simple as thanking them for making dinner or appreciating their support when you’ve had a rough day. 

Schedule Quality Time Together 

You both lead individual lives, so you should set aside regular time just for the two of you to connect. Whether it’s a weekly date night, a walk in the park, or just a quiet evening reading side by side, this time together will help strengthen your bond and reignite intimacy in your marriage. 

Improve Communication Habits 

Be mindful of how you communicate with your partner. It may be hard at first, especially if you’ve gotten used to the tension. Focus on active listening, avoid interrupting, and practice expressing your thoughts calmly. 

Reconnect through Shared Activities 

Engage in activities you both enjoy, like cooking or baking, playing tennis, or traveling. Shared experiences will create new positive memories and reignite the spark between you. 

Consider Professional Help 

While these self-help steps are valuable, sometimes the problems in a marriage run deeper and need professional intervention. A couples therapist can help you and your partner navigate the complexities of your relationship and provide a structured environment where you can feel safe to express your feelings. 

There is Hope 

Fixing a marriage takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. It’s not a quick fix, but rather a process of rebuilding and reinforcing your relationship. Remember that many couples have faced similar challenges and come out stronger on the other side. The key is to acknowledge your issues, communicate openly, and take proactive steps to address your problems. 

If you’re ready to begin your journey, take the first step today with the expert guidance of Lissy Abrahams, relationship expert and psychotherapist. Start Fight Less, Love More in the comfort of your own home. Soon, your marriage will thrive again.