Questions to Ask Your Partner: From New Love to Lasting Bond

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling on your phone despite sitting right across from your partner? How about having dinner in silence because you both can’t find a way to connect? While there’s nothing wrong with comfortable silence – in fact, it can even be a good sign – making a habit of completely ignoring each other will dull the spark between any couple. Don’t let yourself live in that space. Strike a conversation! Ask your partner questions! Turn it into a regular part of your routine. 

You might exclaim, “But what are we even going to talk about? We’ve known each other for 10 years!” 

One of the worst misconceptions about romantic relationships is that there’s nothing new to discover about your partner once you’ve hit a certain milestone. Humans continuously evolve. The truth is you are not even the exact same person you were last week, much less a decade ago!  

Whether you’ve been dating for 10 weeks or married for 10 years, it’s important to ask thoughtful questions to nurture your connection and keep the fire going. 

Why Is It Important to Ask Your Partner Questions? 

When the relationship is young, conversations are effortless, and the questions come naturally. It’s exciting being able to explore each other’s thoughts, interests, histories, and dreams. Sometimes, those late-night heart-to-heart talks may even uncover certain parts of you that you weren’t aware of. Hearts beating fast, stomachs fluttering – this is the magic of the getting-to-know-you stage. 

However, as time progresses and you gradually tick off all the special relationship milestones, you both fall into a comfortable rhythm. The butterflies are gone, and for many partners the mundane tasks of daily life and obligatory dinner dates take over. You think there is nothing more to talk about, so you ignore opportunities for conversation. Ironically, thinking you already know each other from head to toe eventually leads to being strangers to one another. 

When couples stop engaging in meaningful conversation with each other, they risk growing apart. Soon, you feel unheard, unappreciated, and unlovable. 

Asking your partner questions is not just about talking. It’s showing them you care enough to give them space to express their needs, desires, and worries. It’s a way of reaffirming your commitment to them every single day. 

Thoughtful Questions You Can Ask Your Partner to Deepen Your Connection 

Having meaningful conversations on a regular basis is a simple yet powerful way to refresh your relationship and strengthen your bond. But not everyone is a natural conversationalist, making it challenging to come up with questions on your own. So, here are some ideas to give you a head start. 

Getting to Know Each Other (0-6 Months) 

1. What are your favorite hobbies and why do you enjoy them? 
2. What are your goals for the next few years? 
3. What’s your favorite childhood memory? 
4. What do you value most in friendships? 
5. What type of music do you enjoy, and why? 
6. Do you have any pets? Tell me about them. 
7. What’s your favorite book or movie? What do you like about it? 
8. What’s your idea of a perfect weekend? 
9. What are some of your favorite foods? What are your top five restaurants? 
10. What’s one thing on your bucket list? 

Deepening Understanding (6 Months-2 Years) 

1. What does a perfect day look like for you? 
2. What are some of your biggest fears or insecurities? 
3. How do you envision our future together? 
4. What is one thing you wish people knew about you? 
5. What’s a personal goal you’re currently working on? 
6. How can I support you better in your personal goals? 
7. How do you handle conflicts or disagreements? 
8. What are some of your favorite memories of us so far? 
9. What’s a dream you have that you haven’t shared with me yet? 
10. How do you define success? What’s your relationship with failure? 

Maintaining Intimacy (2+ Years) 

1. How have your views on relationships changed over time? 
2. What are some ways we can keep our relationship exciting and fresh? 
3. What’s something you’ve learned about yourself through our relationship? 
4. How do you feel we’ve grown as a couple? 
5. What are your favorite things about our life together? 
6. What’s a meaningful experience we’ve shared that you treasure? 
7. What’s an important lesson you’ve learned through our relationship? 
8. What are your hopes for us in the next five years? 
9. How can we better balance our individual and shared goals? 
10. What’s a dream we can work towards together? 

Nurturing Growth (10+ Years) 

1. What do you think has been the biggest challenge we’ve overcome together? 
2. How do you feel about the balance of independence and togetherness in our relationship? 
3. What are your favorite memories of us? 
4. What traditions have become most important to you in our relationship? 
5. What are some new activities or hobbies you’d like to try together? 
6. How do you feel about our current level of intimacy? 
7. What are the biggest changes you’ve seen in our relationship over the years? 
8. How can we better support each other’s personal and professional growth? 
9. What are some ways we can improve our communication? 
10. Have you any dreams or goals that you would like me to know about and/or help you fulfil? 

These are just some ideas to get you on your way to more in-depth discussions with your partner. Remember that you can skip or add any question to make the conversation your own. 

Start Communicating Better with Your Partner 

Great communication in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight. Traumatic experiences, individual upbringing, poor emotional intelligence, and fear of vulnerability are just some of the factors that may make it difficult for you or your partner to express your feelings in a constructive way. This can inevitably lead to unspoken expectations, feeling unheard of, and festering resentment. 

Don’t wait until it’s too late. 

Transforming Couple Communication by Lissy Abrahams is an online program for couples who need and want to communicate effectively and healthily. In your own time and in the privacy of your home, learn how to be the best partner for each other by being a more skillful communicator. 

Take the first step. Sign up for Transforming Couple Communication today.