When Should We Be Worried About Our Couple Conflict?

Many couples fight. You won’t see this on their Facebook or Instagram pics but I’m telling you they do. I would love to see partners posting pics of real life together, the good, the boring and the ugly. As a couples therapist, I see it all. Here’s the thing, it’s all normal. Even fights are a normal part of couple relationships. They just don’t usually feel normal.

Even though fighting with our partner is normal, how do we know if our fighting is unhealthy? How do we know how much other people fight? How do we know how other couples experience conflict? Do other couples also find their conflict brutal and soul-destroying? So when should we be worried about our conflict?

I was speaking to an old school friend at a reunion recently who said she and her husband have two huge fights a year. They yell it all out, sharing with each other just how inadequate, useless, annoying, and horrible they believe each other to be. They have a cold war for about 5 days. Then it’s over. No residue. Should they be worried? No, not at all. Other couples let it rip much more often.

Living with another person, day in day out, for years and decades can be difficult. We both have different hopes, desires, or ideas of how we want to live life, how to have a relationship, or how children should be raised. There will always be differences between us. On top of this, we all change throughout life. I’m certainly not the same person I was at 25 or even 40. We all change because life changes us through our experiences. These changes in us are felt in our relationship too.

To determine whether we should be worried about our conflict we can…

If you find yourself questioning the health of your conflicts, our online program, Fight Less, Love More, offers valuable insights. Discover when to be concerned about your couple conflicts and explore effective ways to navigate differences. This program is designed for both pre-parents and parents, providing essential tools for building a strong foundation and achieving healthy attachment. 

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In the journey towards healthier relationships, our programs provide valuable resources and guidance for couples at various stages. Whether you're navigating the complexities of parenting or seeking to enhance communication, our online programs offer practical solutions to nurture and strengthen your relationship. Join Fight Less, Love More or Transforming Couple Communication today to begin your transformative journey towards a more connected and fulfilling partnership.